hahahahahahahahaha

The stress is real my friend. Like it gets to be so bad that I had to download a breathing app. It helps a little. But, I will be sitting and applying for jobs or cleaning. I am being productive and then all of a sudden I am freaking out because I don't have a job and that I am not working. Then I start to hyperventilate and almost start to cry all because I'm not working. 

Then get this I hyperventilate working. thinking I am not doing a good enough job. My entire life is nothing but anxiety. And I don't know what to even do most of the time. Like how do you even live a normal life full of normal anxiety? I get anxious going on a walk. I am literally driving myself insane. I want to be normal and not feel like this all the damn time. I have tried breathing, ashwagandha, CBD oil, Oli stress gummies. I have even tried meditation as well. Nothing seems to help that much or at all. I have even cut coffee out of my life for a month and drank green tea and chamomile tea. Still nothing. I have been so close to joining the military sometimes just to get health care. But, I feel like that would just make things worse. So now I am at a loss as to what I should do. 

I am open to suggestions. 

Oliver Tree was in my dream???

Last night I had a really weird dream. There was this baby gorilla and it was lost. So I spent a good while helping it find its family. When I did its family they all hugged me and thanked me for finding their son. Who had gotten lost because it found this golf cart? And drove it around. Then after I hugged its dad I turn around to find Oliver Tree sitting on a crate and he says "Oh hey Nugget don't forget to listen to Life Goes on" Then he hugged me and I left. I am so confused as to why he even appeared in my dream and I would love to know what the dream meant. 

So if you have any ideas please comment them. 

Thanks a lot 💜

Ramblings and such with tea because I have no coffee right now

 It's weird how I don't use this anymore when it's all I had to vent back in 2020. All I know is I may be back to posting here again as I have nothing to really do anymore. No job except for helping to clean somebody's home for $120 a week which is nice from doing nothing most of the time. Except maybe cleaning my own apartment and trying to do a spicy site for a bit. I don't get much there except for maybe 20 a week. Which is a start. 

I have been feeling like a depressed housewife most of the time. lonely and bored. I'm not going to be doing anything risky it's just how I have been feeling. I want to be creative and earn my own money. I want a lot of money. I want to be able to have my own small business. It scares me a bit with thinking about it. 

The spicy site keeps me a bit busy but, it's mentally draining talking to everyone. I try to not focus on how mentally draining it is and how weird people can get. I am also planning on selling thrifted finds online as well. To earn a bit more than I already am. I don't feel independent. And getting another job is really hard right now for some reason. Everyone is either on the other side of the city or they just give me nothing. No email or anything. It's driving me insane. Staying home all day is driving me insane. I am really trying with my spicy site. Posting every day or at least try to. Mostly pics and short vids. I have about two people who buy from me. Which really is better than nothing. 

I think I may be depressed though. I have a hard time getting out of bed and taking care of myself. IDK 

I also may start doing short vlogs for youtube or TikTok now that I have one. I go by @nugggit. I have a few dumb videos on it. Also, I shaved my head again. It felt like time but I am deeply regretting it. It's the first time I have regretted getting my hair cut. Well, regret shaving it. It took me two years from 2020 to 2022 to grow it to my shoulders. I don't feel as beautiful as I use to. But it's fine because hair grows and soon I'll be back to maybe chin length in like three months maybe. Till then next week I am bleaching my short buzzed hair to see if it helps. If not I'll dye it another color. I will keep you posted. Till then it is what it is ya know?