Depression

Being depressed is hard. And we all go through it. But what people dont understand is that its all valid. No ones depression is invalied. Depression hurts everyone mentaly.

I have depression and even though I dont have a lot in my life to be depressed I am. So it hurts more when people say what do you have to be depressed about?

Well for me and I'm sure a lot of you is its my own head. There is that voice that tells you. "You dont belong here." "They are only being nice cause they have too"

Those are the things that run through my mind. Mixed with old thoughts. Thoughts of me being fat or not smart enough. Its always there.

Most days are better than others. I have days where nothing can get me down and I feel great. Then I have my I'm going to stay in bed not eat and sit in the shower.

I havent found out the real reason for it. I dont really know why its there. As I'm sure most of you feel the same way.

I havent found out how to really manage it. You can mostly tell when I get depressed based on how I acted. I stop talking. I dont want to eat. I go on long walks and just think. I stare into space and think more. Its just this cloud of dark. Wish I knew what was wrong.

Hopefully I'll find out.

Most of the time to get out of this funk I listen to my favorite bands and drink coffee. I try to remeber that everything will be okay in the end. It almost always is ok. So matter what we go though in life things will get better. Its just is going to take time.

Just need to remember that we can do this and not to give up.

Travel

So its been 3 days in flordia. Its hot and i'm still wearing my sweater and socks. Lol

But, this gives me a taste of traveling. Its is exciting. The plane rides and the car rides. Its all fun. Its a sence of wonderlust. And I do think traveling is for me. I want to see everything. And Florida is really nice. So many trees and green everywhere. And I do love seeing cities when we drive through them. I do want to travel everywhere. And become an actual Gypsy. Living everywhere and seeing everything.

  So when I get back I'm going to be trying and getting a job. Because ibwant to savw up and get myself a van. A R.V. would be too big for just me. And I would love to try out vanlife. Being able to go where ever. I'm going to do it. I'm excited. I have wanderlust bad. Lol

Also will have my bf with me too I hope. Then maybe we will need a camper van. More space for both me and him. I guess I still have more planning to do. Either way I want to travel. 
I want to see whats really out there. What amazing things there are in this world. I want to see all the landmarks there are. All the places that you see in movies. I want after the U.S. to be the world .I want to do it all by my bf's side.  Cause he is an amazing person. And what feels like home.  So as long as I have home. I wont get homesick. This is also a great way to learn more about the world we live in. To live it as an experience. Cause that I feel is the only eat to live anymore.  Cause life is not forever. So we might as well live it up. At least for as long as we can.