So these past few weeks I have been doing adult things like applying for jobs. Something that sounds so simple gives me such anxiety. The mere thought of it makes my heart pound.
Now I have already applied to two jobs already and am waiting for them to get back like they have said they would and that is giving me anxiety. But this is something I have to get over. anxiety is hard to get over. Plus it feels like I'm on my own with all this and it's a scary feeling.
I am feeling like I will never get a job and I'll be this loser who can't do anything. Even though I really am trying right now. Harder than I ever had. Like I am searching. I am going, to be honest with you guys and am trying to be real. I haven't worked in a while. And my mom helped me with applying. So this all is hard because I don't know what I am doing. I don't know where to really go. When I tell people that they are very shocked I guess it would be the right word to explain. They then proceed to say things like "How do you not know this?" and "Really?!?"
I did not really learn that in school and Googling it was very overwhelming, to say the least. I don't know how to be an adult and it scares me to death and it overwhelms me. I try to tell myself to "toughen up" and " Other people have it worse than you so stop being a bitch and figure it out"
Yeah, it's bad. I have these thoughts in my head 24/7
So far today I have only managed to cry 2x. So I see that as a plus. I mean yesterday I cried myself to sleep from the anxiety.
Whoever set me subscription up for being an adult I hate you and I want to cancel now. Seriously where do I go to cancel?!?
Because now I am just starting to feel pressured into feeling like I need to save up money pronto and get an apartment and things like that. It is very stressful and on top of all that I get in these moods where I want a baby and to be a mother. That is stressing me out as well. Because I'm not mentally able to take care of a baby. Let alone myself.
If any of you have advice on adulting please please please leave a comment. That would mean so so much cause I'm still am freaking out.
No comments:
Post a Comment