Friday night and I have no plans. I'm sitting on my bedroom floor. Wondering what I want to do with the rest of my evening and night.
Maybe blasting music as loudly as I can. Trying to drown out the sound of the silence that has gotten so loud it is driving me crazy.
Maybe paint a picture to express how alone I actually feel deep down inside. The gaping hole that I mask with a smile and an "I'm fine just tired"
Maybe enmurse me in a book. To pretend to be someone else for a change. so I don't have to listen to the thoughts that swirl around in my head at night wondering Who am I?
Or maybe watch a comedy show so I can laugh away the loneliness I feel inside and maybe just for a small while feeling like I am happy for a change. That I'm not falling apart. Wondering if I'll ever be good enough for him.
Its Friday night and I'm sitting drinking my coffee that gets blacker with each sip and colder the longer I try to make it last.
It is now 12 at night and I'm still awake. Wondering how much more I can take being alone with the thoughts in my head. I guess I should try to go to bed.
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