Taking risks. That is something I find hard to do. I want to get better at it. To start doing things that scare me. like telling that cute guy I'm with on how much I really like him. To call up a place and schedule an appointment. To go out and take me out on a date to get to know myself. To say what I actually feel or am thinking. That is something I want to change.
Because in the end, I don't want to say "what if?" I don't want to kick myself for not buying that shirt I have been wanting or to not say to that guy " Hey I really fucking like you"
I want to be able to grab his hand and kiss him by surprise you know. Or to just go out on a Wednesday night and get a drink by myself.
I don't want to find myself saying "What if?" any more.
So no more overthinking. No more being scared. I am just going to start doing it. And seeing what happens. obviously, I will be smart about most things and not do anything stupid. Like, buy drugs or stupid stupid shit like that.
I don't want to be scared and overthink anymore. So hears to doing and not overthinking.
Wednesday, November 13, 2019
Friday, November 8, 2019
Dating for real this time
So since no one really reads this I am going to turn it into an online diary. So with that being said.
Now as you know I am currently dating/with someone. And I'm going to confess something. He is the first guy I have gone out with and things such as that. Even holding hands.
I have never really dated before. Unless you count watching a movie over the phone. Audio only and then hanging up once the movie is over a "date". I do not anymore. I use to.
So I'm dating this guy and he is super sweet and cute/sexy. At this moment and time with him, I am finding myself developing feelings for him. The type of things I am feeling I have never felt before with anyone else. The butterflies in my stomach and the blushing and finding hard to look him in the eye. I have just found out that those feelings are completely normal for one to feel when attracted to someone.
I found this out when I talked with my Mom about it. Yes, I am 21 and I don't know what it is like to date people or what the feeling for falling for someone is like. Do I feel embarrassed about it? Nope, I know people get to experience things sooner or later than other people. Mine happened to be not in my teens. But, rather in my younger adult life. That is something about life that I am happy about yet scared at the exact same time. Because I am just starting out in the adult world. I mean I am looking into my own apartment and living on my own. I have never done that before. And no one knows what they are doing. I need to keep reminding myself of that. I do have this.
Dating, working and soon living on my own.
Now as you know I am currently dating/with someone. And I'm going to confess something. He is the first guy I have gone out with and things such as that. Even holding hands.
I have never really dated before. Unless you count watching a movie over the phone. Audio only and then hanging up once the movie is over a "date". I do not anymore. I use to.
So I'm dating this guy and he is super sweet and cute/sexy. At this moment and time with him, I am finding myself developing feelings for him. The type of things I am feeling I have never felt before with anyone else. The butterflies in my stomach and the blushing and finding hard to look him in the eye. I have just found out that those feelings are completely normal for one to feel when attracted to someone.
I found this out when I talked with my Mom about it. Yes, I am 21 and I don't know what it is like to date people or what the feeling for falling for someone is like. Do I feel embarrassed about it? Nope, I know people get to experience things sooner or later than other people. Mine happened to be not in my teens. But, rather in my younger adult life. That is something about life that I am happy about yet scared at the exact same time. Because I am just starting out in the adult world. I mean I am looking into my own apartment and living on my own. I have never done that before. And no one knows what they are doing. I need to keep reminding myself of that. I do have this.
Dating, working and soon living on my own.
Wednesday, November 6, 2019
So its been just a little while since I last made a post here. Well, a lot has happened since I last made a post. For starters, I got a job, cut toxic people out of my life, and am now meeting new friends. I could not be happier then I am now.
I didn't realize the harsh impact some people had on me. I didn't see any of it. I had friends tell me that it was not a healthy relationship and my mom as well. But, I didn't listen. I thought I knew what I was doing.
I didn't. It was not till after I got a job and took a step back did I realize that he was no good for me. That I did not deserve what he would say to me or tell me what I needed to do. I didn't deserve that. Just because he didn't want to have a life of his own did not mean that I didn't deserve one.
At first, I asked for a small break for a month. After a week of looking over it all at a new angle. I ended it. Of course, he got mad. Then I got to hear what he truly thought about me. He called me names. Then after that, I knew I did the right thing.
Now its been about a month and a half. I feel so much better. I feel free. I don't have to tell them where I am or what I am doing. I can have a life and be me.
I am starting to do what I use to love. Like reading, painting, and dressing the way I want.
I am going to school to earn my associate's degree in business management. I am going out and hanging out with this really cool guy. My life is better than it ever was.
so that is what has been up with me since my last post.😀
I didn't realize the harsh impact some people had on me. I didn't see any of it. I had friends tell me that it was not a healthy relationship and my mom as well. But, I didn't listen. I thought I knew what I was doing.
I didn't. It was not till after I got a job and took a step back did I realize that he was no good for me. That I did not deserve what he would say to me or tell me what I needed to do. I didn't deserve that. Just because he didn't want to have a life of his own did not mean that I didn't deserve one.
At first, I asked for a small break for a month. After a week of looking over it all at a new angle. I ended it. Of course, he got mad. Then I got to hear what he truly thought about me. He called me names. Then after that, I knew I did the right thing.
Now its been about a month and a half. I feel so much better. I feel free. I don't have to tell them where I am or what I am doing. I can have a life and be me.
I am starting to do what I use to love. Like reading, painting, and dressing the way I want.
I am going to school to earn my associate's degree in business management. I am going out and hanging out with this really cool guy. My life is better than it ever was.
so that is what has been up with me since my last post.😀
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