Empty

Depression its something that has been amplified since I have been living on my own. And the coronavirus is not doing it any justice.  With social distancing and making it hard to job hunt. Not to mention that you are not able to friends and family as much. So it has me depressed. Today is one of those days. I am going, to be honest with you all I have cried a couple times. I am not sure if its stress that has me this way or the lack of human contact. 

So much is going on. So many emotions are flowing through me. depression, scared and stressed. I have lost the joy in coffee. I don't drink it as much anymore. Or when I do I just don't want it anymore. My apartment has been messy because I can not find the energy nor motivation to clean it. So the dishes pile in the sink and my bedding has migrated to the couch. I basically live on my couch now. I don't sleep as well as I use to. I wake up a few times every night. I am unsure of what to even do. I am talking to a counselor But, I will be unable to keep talking to her. Money is getting pretty tight. And I still need that second job.   

People say "It gets worse before it gets better" I just hope it gets better soon. I am going to be real with you I am starting to lose faith that things will get better. I have a hard time believing it will get better. Only time will tell. 

I am sorry to have this post be so dark. It is just some things I have been thing about and are going through. 

I almost feel empty in some way. Whenever I get like this I feel this empty feeling in my chest. Like something is missing. I am unsure as to what it is. And that is when I start to cry and just lay there on the couch until I make myself go for a walk or take a shower if I truly don't want to go outside. I hope this feeling goes away soon. I really do.