UNKOWN

I want to go home. I wish I knew where home was. I know a home is what you make it. But, I have moved so much I am unsure as to what a home is anymore. I miss being around family. I miss having people to come home to. I miss having people to talk to. I miss going and doing fun things with them. I don't go anywhere or do anything fun anymore. I stay in my apartment and wonder how to make this place home. 

At first, I thought it was because I didn't have couches. But, I then got couches and it still did not feel like home. Maybe if I made meals for myself. Nope not it either. Watch movies and live TV? Nope. I still don't know what it is. 

I can hardly sleep since I feel I have to be on guard all the time. I go on walks and those feel more like home. I found out I actually dread having to go back to this apartment. I am unsure why. I guess because I am alone with my thoughts. 

That's the funny thing. Everyone says I need to keep myself distracted to not get stuck in my head. I shouldn't have to do that. I should be able to be okay with the silence without thinking of suicidal thoughts. Right? 

I don't feel at home. Not in this apartment and not even in my own skin. 

I WANT TO GO HOME!!!